Marry With a Good Heart

The comment seems self evident in the context of getting married as I can think of no other reason why someone would get married if not with a good heart, and by the same token with good intentions. However throughout history we hear of stories about people who marry for a variety of reasons and they do not always have the interest of their prospective spouse at heart. Essentially it's fairly safe to assume that love is at the centre of most unions and it really should be the core reason for agreeing to take marriage vows and join together in holy matrimony. Love is a fundamental requirement of most unions; moreover it can be argued that there are other factors which are equally important if a marriage is really to be forever. In suggesting this I refer to the Holy Bible, Jeremiah 29:11.

"For I know the thoughts that I think towards you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope."

My argument is that in any marriage, but especially in a Christian marriage the husband and wife should be like our Lord Jesus Christ and have thoughts of peace and not of evil towards their spouse. This I would argue is not just some of the time, but should be evident in every aspect of the relationship. At the beginning of the wedding ceremony, in exchanging vows it is vital that we, like our Lord Jesus Christ think good things towards our prospective partner, for we should wish them a bright, happy and healthy future. The significance in thinking good things about each other is similar to planting good seeds. If you plant an abundance of good seeds than you should generate an abundance of healthy crops.

I put forward this biblical ideal as a fundamental principle as I believe for any healthy relationship to be established and sustained, that we should ensure that all agendas, hidden or not seek to empower, enable and engender positive things in the other person's life. I suppose we should consider as a first step how much peace and goodwill you wish for your spouse or partner? Do you pray and hope for only good things for them, and if so is this evident in your communication with them on a daily basis. Do you at times wish the best for them, but are aware that these feelings are mixed or tinged with other human emotions such as jealousy, envy and spite. For instance after an argument you may feel less than positive about your spouse so what steps would you take to resolve these negative emotions?

Some relationship experts, and I do not include myself in this category might argue that the selfish person in a marriage would initially ensure that their needs are met before they wish good and positive things for their partner. If you are happy and things are going well in your life then you can focus more on ensuring that your spouse receives positive attention and gets a lot of praise and love. I take on board that we all need to ensure our own well-being prior to looking after another person; but in the case of a marital partnership it might be argued that in becoming one with the exchange of vows and rings, that we agree to ensure that their needs are met before our own. Other factors which are important in a marriage are trust, fidelity, and mutual respect and of course love.

At the outset of the article I mentioned that people marry for various reasons. I would like to take this opportunity of exploring some of these reasons. In the first instance two people may meet fall in love and decide to marry. This is perhaps the norm, especially when the couple are young. Other people may marry for companionship and good intentions are at the heart of the marriage. Other people may have a totally different agenda and see marriage as an opportunity of acquiring either wealth or an opportunity to live in another country. It does not mean if these aspects are a consideration that you cannot marry with a good heart it's just less likely. The Holy Bible commands us to love with a good heart for' he who finds a wife finds good.' (Proverbs 18.22)

As a woman I obviously agree with the comment, as most wives are good and ensure the well being of the whole family unit. For the most part wives are loyal, usually a good helpmate, and the one who encourages her mate to achieve his best.. A good wife will be a lifetime companion and as a couple you should both grow in spiritual wisdom and maturity together. The maxim that two working together and sharing will achieve more than one is quite evident in most situations; as is the view that if one stumbles the other will pick him/her up. At the heart of any good marriage is compromise, a willingness not only to communicate and negotiate with each other but being flexible and willing to put the other person's needs before your own. In communicating with your spouse you should try to ensure that the things you say are positive, and that you speak well of each other to each other and also with other people. We need when we marry to take on the covenant relationship as illustrated in the scriptures.

The Bible lays down specific rules and regulations pertaining to marriage. It is a union between two people of the opposite sex; and there should be no divorce, the union is forever. If the husband dies then his family members should care for the wife. In olden days a brother could marry his sister-in-law; but these days it might be considered incestuous. Marriage is more than a partnership or a contract it is a covenant relationship between a man a woman and God because marriage is ordained by God. This is one of the main reason why the marriage vows encourage us to understand that the covenant should never be broken, i.e. what God has joined together let no man put asunder. The sanctity of marriage should in no way be under-estimated and we are encouraged to marry with the view that it isn't what you can do for me, but what I can do for you.

Veronica Williams